How to Be There for a Friend Who Has Miscarried

Just like becoming a widow or countless other heartaches, having a miscarriage grants you instant admission into a secret club. It is a club, of course, that no one wants to join, and it’s one with a lifetime membership. It’s a club I found myself in unwillingly after finding out about Alex.

I found out about Alex one hot July evening, but something was different about this pregnancy. I knew it but I didn’t know what it was. I was so excited to have conceived without medical intervention. She was wanted and so loved. But then when we went in for a routine ultrasound, she was no more. They couldn’t find a heartbeat.

But here’s the surprising part, miscarriage is extremely common. 15 to 20 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage. So for a short time, she connected with that child, and dreamed of a future. But instead of being able to watch this child toddle outside of her body, the child is no more.

This means one in four babies that took up residence in their mother’s womb never got to be known or held. Women may go through feelings of anger and depression in the grief process before finally being able to accept what happened.

And What Not to Say…