Grief Help: Using Writing to Help Us Process Our Sorrow

Using Writing to Help Us Process Our GriefEight months after John died, Neustadter started sending emails to his old Yahoo address, because “communicating with John was truly the only thing I wanted to do at that time,” she said. It gave her a way to keep the conversation alive.

“And it felt symbolic and ritualistic to send an actual letter out somewhere into the unknown,” Neustadter said.

Neustadter also used writing to make sense of John’s suicide—why did he turn to suicide? what signs did she miss? She wrote down everything about John that she could remember.

Writing gave Neustadter “some sense of purpose.” She wanted to write the book she wished she’d had: “a book about a young woman, effectively widowed at 29, struggling to make sense of the loss of her soul mate and why he took his life. There were a lot of parts to this, and I had a lot of questions. None of the books on grief that I found helped me with understanding how to navigate my loss.”

“If I could offer other women (or men) like myself a book that made them feel less alone and helped them navigate through traumatic grief, then maybe, just maybe, it would make my experience of John’s death worthwhile in some way.”

More on this Grief Help….

Here’s How You Can Help a Loved One Cope with Suicide

Four years ago, Ankita Shah* lost her father to suicide. For a long time after his death, she was in shock and felt lonely despite the support of her immediate family. It was only after she began seeing a mental health professional that her emotional state improved.

In India, more than 2.3 lakh people die due to suicide each year which means more than two lakh families have stories like Ankita’s. Their stories follow similar patterns: loneliness, shame, social stigma and isolation, guilt and several unanswered questions.

The stigma runs deep, and insensitive remarks are common after such a death.

Milind and Manisha Mhaiskar highlighted this in 2017, through an open letter they wrote to their deceased son in a newspaper.

Some said you were very strict with him, some said you gave too much liberty, could he not carry on with the burden of expectations?… Some said both [parents] are so busy, they may not be giving him time… you, me and mammu [mother], that was our world, how do we tell that to people?

Such comments can explain why not everyone is as candid as the Mhaiskar family. Ankita, for instance, didn’t want to speak about her father initially, and friends and family also kept a distance. This is why, she believes, it is time to talk about suicide. “If we are more open, we help people cope with their loss, and we help erase the shame,” says Ankita.

NFL Star Opens Up About His Sister’s Suicide

Solomon Thomas family

copyright Solomon Thomas family

“People ask me what my life is like now that she’s gone. On the one hand, I’m thankful for each day I get to still be alive. I’m beyond blessed. I have two beautiful parents; I went to my dream college; and now I get to play football for a living. I know how lucky I am. But I’m also struggling every day. Sometimes life just sucks and I go to a dark place. She was my best friend and my only sister, and I won’t ever get to talk with her again. I just want her back, and there’s nothing I can do about it. The days are hard. The nights are … ”

49ers defensive end Solomon Thomas opens up about his loss concerning his sister’s suicide